The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
