there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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