your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
