Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Quick, to the slutcave!
sarcasm needs its own font
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
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Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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