I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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