i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
