took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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