i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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