I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
