last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize