every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
