So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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