just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
