Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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