i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
