Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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