1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
