there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
