you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
pop tarts are not kleenex
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I pour the whiskey from now on
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize