Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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