I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
