I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
