I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
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I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
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He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
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