remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Is it because I queefed?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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