Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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