can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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