I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize