party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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