where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
