Already got asked if we're dating
We need to rekindle our bromance
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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