I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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