is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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