how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Randomize
