I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
it's not cheating when I paid for it
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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