Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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