I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Randomize
