Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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