I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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