Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
he's gonorrhea incarnate
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
