Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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