So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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