I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
