I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
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She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
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Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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