dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
