There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
