sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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