I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
