I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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