he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
