Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
