he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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