ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
