I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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