i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
