the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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