the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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