Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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