Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
false alarm, still single
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